My Baby Sister

Today after work I am driving to Chattanooga because tomorrow is my little sister's chapel talk in front of her entire school (grade 6-12). She has asked me to introduce her. I am supremely nervous. I'm not really sure what happened to me, I used to be able to get up in front of people and really not think a thing about it, but then one day I just snapped and now I am terrified in front of crowds. Especially crowds of people I don't know and who I imagine to be hyper-critical of everything I do and say and how I look and etc. I was supposed to think of a funny story to tell but after coming up blank from the pressure of trying to think of something, I have decided to just say something nice instead. I guess I should write it down though. I will get so nervous when I get up there I will forget everything I originally thought of I'm sure.

Anyway, I'm really proud of my sis. She's going to talk about her eating disorder in front of her entire school which I think is so very brave. Last night she posted her senior pictures on Facebook and it made me cry. It's like she is really grown up now and our childhoods are over. No wonder my parents baby her. They want to keep her a child as long as possible. That way things stay the same. Life is scary how fast it moves.

Currently Reading...

I am currently reading "Girl Meets God" by Lauren Winner. It is a really interesting read about a girl who went to a lot of trouble to become an Orthodox Jew and then soon after converted to Christianity. So far, I've learned a lot about Orthodox Jewish traditions that I had no idea existed. Also, this girl is pretty much my hero because she is getting her PhD in American Religious History, which would pretty much be my dream except I probably wouldn't limit it to American. I am so interested in Church History, but that just doesn't seem like a practical goal to pursue for me. Ugh, this is just one more case of waiting for God to send me some incredible divine sign of what I am supposed to be doing with my life. I think I'll probably be waiting until I'm 80 for that. Ideally, I would research and write for the rest of my life, and design cards and things for my own use as a side hobby. As an academic, I feel like I would have the opportunity to be involved in various social justice ventures also. But then there are days when I want nice things like a house and nice clothes and I want to have kids and settle down and it seems like I should just do something practical like go to business school. But seriously, can I work in a business for the rest of my life?? Always thinking about money and the way to get the most out of people? That doesn't really seem like me. I just keep hoping that God will lead me in the right direction.